First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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