Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
