Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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