Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
