genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
