i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
