Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize