I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
