I just made out with a guy for $7.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
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Is it penis luge time yet?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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