Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
