You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
