Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
