So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
