I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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