it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
