I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
