I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
