Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
