Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
