I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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