broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I need moral support for this bender
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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