I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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