I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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