she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
