I'm going to jail i love you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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