Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
