Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!