Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.