Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.