I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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