loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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