thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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