did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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