Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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