i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
