Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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