WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
