Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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