I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
