I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
