i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
