My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
