turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.