He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.