He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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