wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
