I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
