My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
