Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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