I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
