oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
