are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
