I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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