Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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