I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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