Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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