I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
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