Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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