He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
