if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
