and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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