worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
