My liver just broke up with me...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Farmville is her only friend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
