I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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